Start With Connection, Not Content
Raising Digitally Fluent Kids: Under Age 3
“Should I be letting my toddler watch videos?”
“Is screen time OK if it’s ‘educational’?”
“What about those baby learning apps?”
Let’s start here:
I am not judging any parent for handing over a screen to soothe an inconsolable child, finish a work call, or just breathe for five uninterrupted minutes. (Trust me, I deeply understand the need for a moment to complete something or just breathe when your child wants nothing but your. undivided attention.))
Modern parenting is relentless, and tech can be a lifeline. I’ve been there.
But if you’re giving your child screen time, especially under the age of 2, I want you to make that choice consciously, not by default. Let’s not just keep them busy. Let’s stay intentional.
Because the real opportunity here isn’t about perfection. It’s about laying a foundation for how your child will relate to technology for the rest of their life.
Why Limit or Avoid Screens Under 3? 📵
1. Brain development is sensory-first, not screen-first.
Infants and toddlers need to move, touch, listen, vocalize, and watch real faces respond to them. Passive consumption, no matter how “educational,” doesn’t build brains the way back-and-forth interaction does.
2. “Educational” content often isn’t.
Most baby apps and shows aren’t reviewed by child development experts. They’re optimized for retention, not learning. A talking cartoon can’t replace your voice, your expressions, or your curiosity.
3. Screens short-circuit self-regulation.
A screen may stop a tantrum, but it doesn’t teach your child how to regulate big feelings. (A skill we all need as we move through life.) The earlier tech becomes their go-to pacifier, the harder it is to build resilience and self-soothing skills later.
If You Do Use Screens, Consider These Parameters
If you’re allowing screen time under 2, that doesn’t make you a bad parent. 9Not even close!) But consider setting boundaries around:
1. What they watch
Stick to slow-paced, simple, ad-free content with real humans or animals. Think: short nature clips, simple singalongs, or video chat with loved ones.
2. How they watch
Watch together. Narrate what’s happening. Ask questions, even if they can’t answer yet. The goal is interaction, not distraction.
3. When and why they watch
Avoid using screens during meals, before sleep, or as the first response to distress. If you do use tech to calm a storm, pair it with a calming routine that doesn’t rely on a screen next time.
4. Who they watch
The American Academy of Pediatrics says screens can be beneficial for facilitating video chats with loved ones for children under 18 months. Have grandparents or aunts and uncles be their very own Miss or Mr “Rachel.”
Your Tech Habits Matter, More Than Any App
Your child learns how to relate to technology by watching you. Before they can talk, they are absorbing whether your attention is on them or your phone.
Try this self-check:
Do I pause scrolling when they seek my attention?
Do I model “tech breaks” or is my device always within reach?
Do they see me using tech for creativity, connection, or just doomscrolling?
Your habits are their first digital curriculum.
Action Steps for This Stage
1. Narrate your world.
Point out what you’re doing. Use descriptive language. This builds language, connection, and focus—no app required.
2. Create sacred no-screen zones.
Meal times, diaper changes, morning snuggles, outdoor time. These small moments build presence. Protect them from digital noise. Don’t underestimate the value of traditional toys and open spaces. It’s important for kids to experience unstructured “free play,” which means that they decide what to do, and how to do it, and are playing simply for play’s sake.
3. Practice “tech transparency.”
When you use your phone around them, explain why. (“I’m texting Daddy,” not just disappearing behind the screen.)
4. Use video chat with intention.
If they’re seeing screens, let it be loved ones saying their name, laughing with them, singing to/with them, and calling them by name. That’s real engagement.
What You’re Really Teaching
Even before they understand what a screen is, your baby is learning:
Whether attention comes from people or devices
Whether tools are used with intention or just to escape
Whether tech is a side dish or the main event
Every time you make eye contact, respond to a babble, or narrate their world instead of tapping out of it, you’re planting seeds of digital discernment.
Resources Worth Your Time
Zero to Three’s Screen Time Guidelines (zerotothree.org)
“The Power of Showing Up” by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
“Wait Until 8th” Pledge (Yes, it starts earlier than 8th grade)
Commons Sense Media’s Family Tech Planners - Use these tech planners to help your kids think through important questions around tech use: What will I do? How much time will I spend? Am I making thoughtful choices?
Friday July 11, we’ll dig into ages 3–6. The moment when the requests to “just watch one show” start rolling in, Alexa gets interesting, and the balance between digital curiosity and healthy boundaries gets harder to manage.
This is the stage when you start saying “yes” strategically. We’ll walk through how.
Until then, take a breath. Put down the device. Narrate their world.
You’re not just calming a toddler. You’re shaping a future digital citizen.